The Volume of The Cursed Eye
by GoldenAerie
Summary: Set after the film, mostly in the Neitherworld. Beetlejuice arrives back in the Neitherworld and is asked to take a small job by the Keepers at the Hall of Knowledge - broken into the night before. Blurb: "Whatever you say Lyds" Beetlejuice said. He held up two fingers. "Say it two more times. Get me out of this fucking mirror."
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR: Read and review. This is not the most typical Beetlejuice story. Takes place a little while after the film...ah...you'll see. Please read and review!**

* * *

In the afterlife, there is a time of reflection upon the life one had. For some it means haunting a place, for others it's merely a pit stop before moving on to a new life or retiring to a more permanent place in the realm of the afterlife. For those who passed by suicide, civil service eagerly awaits them. Our story is not about a reincarnated soul or a spook who has moved into retirement or even about a ghoul in civil service.

This is a story about a poltergeist.

 **1: After The Void**

He hated falling.

Beetlejuice's stomach felt like it was swimming and the anticipation of waiting for the landing was killing him. Good thing he was already dead.

After waiting, what felt like an eternity, in the Neitherworld waiting room, he was led to a door. The "powers that be" hadn't sent a caseworker or even some flunky, instead it was one of the janitors who led him to a door. One step beyond the door and he fell.

"I hate voids!" Beetlejuice had screamed for the first few minutes. It was falling into a nothingness. It was black, so black that it hurt keep his eyes open for too long. The problem with voids was that you would fall for an amount of time and then you would suddenly land in a random spot in the Neitherworld. There was never a hint that the impact was coming. There wasn't a way to use any powers to get out of a void. A ghost in a void simply had to wait until the void ended. The only assurance was that all voids end.

As soon as Beetlejuice found himself starting to relax into the constant fall of the void, it ended. He landed with a heavy, broken thud on a sidewalk. He let out a low groan and took a moment before moving himself. He felt himself snap back together, as all ghosts automatically do, as he lay on his back. Distorted buildings towered over him and the starless sky was swirled in a dark jumble of colors like an oil slick.

He was home…kind of.

He picked himself up from the sidewalk and brushed himself off. He recognized the street and started making his way to his humble abode.

* * *

The Roadhouse was a small housing complex. A sense of relief came over Beetlejuice as he entered, what he called, his "condo". He crossed his living room and plopped down on his ratty mustard yellow couch. He rubbed his face, then pushed back the red tuxedo sleeve to check his watches. The first one read 8:35. The second one read Thursday, June 10, 2018. The third one…well, the third one didn't matter right now.

"Twelve fuckin' years?" Beetlejuice asked to no one. "You'd think they'd warn a guy." He looked down at his tuxedo and grumbled. With a snap of his fingers, he was in boxers and a robe. He was tired and worn out. "Twelve years…"

He pointed at the television across the room. The television kicked on during an old horror movie. The woman on the screen screamed and slowly made her way through a forest. Beetlejuice stood up and shuffled around his place. It hadn't been touched. He still had a pile of papers and various take-out boxes scattered around. His kitchen looked like a soft yellow war zone. Dirty dishes were piled high in the yellow sink. There were old splatters of something brown on the yellow fridge and something green was starting to grow out from the inside. The trash was full, and a few full bags sat next to the can. He could, of course, just take all the garbage outside and within hours it would be taken away by civil servants working on waste duty.

"What have we got in here?" Beetlejuice asked himself as he opened his fridge. The aroma knocked him back a little and he snorted. "That's a bit ripe, even for me."

Most everything in the fridge was rotten and covered in the expansive green mold; of course, there wasn't much in the fridge to begin with. The mold was emerging from an old casserole that he had received from a client. There was a carton of milk and the remains of what had been cheese. He frowned at the remains of homemade pasta sauce. It had once been red but was now a dark brown. It had been really good. He reached in the fridge for the one thing he really wanted – his last bottle of beer.

"Hopefully you haven't turned" Beetlejuice muttered. He twisted the cap and took a swig. Beer sprayed from his mouth. It was more than bad. "Dammit."

He chucked the bottle at the sink and sighed. He had options and he opted for the one of greatest convenience.

"Hey Jacques!" Beetlejuice said in an upbeat tone. He had stepped out to go across the walkway of the complex to his neighbor's place. His neighbor, Jacques LaLean, a French skeleton with a well groomed handlebar moustache answered.

"Be-atle-joose!" Jacques exclaimed. "I have not see you in forever, mon ami. Where 'ave you been?"

"Stuck in a void. It's a long story" Beetlejuice replied. He leaned against the doorframe. "You know man, I got back and I went to grab something from my fridge and everything is completely inedible. Anyway, I was wondering if I could just, you know, get a beer or something. I mean, you've always been a real pal."

"Oui, oui" Jacques said with a wave of a bony hand. Without skin, Jacques could be a tough one to nail down the expression on, but his voice was that of an exasperated friend who was familiar with their flaky friend's routine. "One moment."

Beetlejuice waited while the skeleton moved away from the door. He was back a moment later with two bottles of beer.

"If I only gave you one, you would just be back for another" Jacques told him. "Now, you will be fine."

"You know me too well, buddy" Beetlejuice said with a smirk. "Thanks, bonehead."

"Yeah, yeah" Jacques muttered with clacking teeth. "I want to hear about your time away."

"Mind if it waits until morning?" Beetlejuice asked. Jacques nodded and told him to get some rest.

Returning to his place with his two beers, Beetlejuice finally felt as if he could kick back for a while. He watched the film that was on the television with little interest. She had big pointy boobs and a half-decent face, but that was all the film had going for it. Midway through his beer, the screaming actress turned a certain way and the light hit her just right; it made Beetlejuice think about Lydia. His lip twitched with a sneer. It was something he would deal with in the morning. Right now, he just wanted to regroup, build his energy back up, and spend the night not having to worry about anyone but himself.

* * *

Beetlejuice woke with a start when something hit his living room window. He was familiar with the sound, but still got up to check. It was a dead blackbird. The Neitherworld was full of them and they were dumber than pigeons. Flying into windows was common. Beetlejuice watched as the bird jumped up from the ground and flew off.

"Dumb bird" Beetlejuice said to himself. Outside was the usual diffused light that bathed the Neitherworld. He didn't like the diffused light, but there was nothing he could do about it. At least he felt better. He turned from the window and tugged on the lapels of his robe. His attire changed to a loose pair of trousers, a red shirt with beetles printed on it, and an old pair of leather oxfords. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a comb. As he walked around his place, he pushed his hair around with it. He used to be able to comb it out, but that was when he still bathed.

"I can't believe that I didn't even sleep in my bed" Beetlejuice chided to himself. He shoved the comb back into his shirt pocket and headed for his bedroom. It was rather large and a sported a bed with casket decorum. He had a few piles of clothes around the room. He went over to a dresser and looked through a drawer until he found what he was looking for. Smuggled and illegal in the Neitherworld, it was a small make-up mirror that he once took after killing an old lady in the mortal realm. He shoved it into his trouser pocket with a chuckle.

Sleep, in the Neitherworld, was used as a time of recouping energy. Ghosts who refused to sleep or be still often rode an initial energy spike, but then suffered a sudden drop in energy. It could be enough to make one fade and a faded shade wasn't able to make the grade. The faded could barely pick anything up or sit down or do much of anything. He wasn't stupid enough to do that, at least not often. While he had slept, his brain had replayed his business with the Maitlands, his business with the girl, and all the crap that had happened between then and now. He had a plan, but he had some snooping to do first.

* * *

He had been concerned that the "powers that be" were watching him since he had spent so long in the waiting room and in the void, the blonde ghost headed into town. At one point he had a small office, but passing by the location, it had been absorbed by the hair salon that it had shared a wall with.

"Can't a guy, some nobody like myself, just get a break?" Beetlejuice snapped. His initial reaction was to be worried about his stuff, but when he thought about it he realized that it had pretty much been trashed and never actually contained much of any belongings. He mellowed out, but still left with a sneer. It was a typical run of bad luck for him, but what did he expect after being gone for twelve years?

It had started to become warm, almost hot, when the wind began to blow. Beetlejuice mozied around the area to see if anyone had moved on or if there were any new places. He swung by the park where he picked up a bag of roasted beetles and worms. Despite what breathers thought, the beetles had an apple flavor and the worms a bacon flavor. After leaving the vendor, Beetlejuice grabbed a newspaper from the broken street-side newspaper box and went to find a park bench.

He sat in the middle of a bench and got comfortable. He had his roasted bugs propped up between him at the back of the bench and the newspaper open. He kept the paper aloft, as it provided ample screen, and pulled the small mirror from his pocket.

"Oh, I'm so tired" A shuffling fat man said to himself. Beetlejuice's head snapped up and he glared at the man.

"Beat it, Chubs!" Beetlejuice yelled at him. "Go find your own bench!"

"How rude!" The fat man said with a snooty uplift of his nose. As soon as he was far enough away, Beetlejuice went back to pretending to read the paper while focusing on the mirror.

"Show me the Maitlands" Beetlejuice demanded. The small mirror, instead of reflecting the red of his shirt, went black. "C'mon, c'mon."

It took a moment and the black started fading away, revealing the two ghosts. They were tooling around the attic space where they all had originally met, but they were starting to fade. He could almost make out the shape of a chair through Barbara and Adam was almost at the same point of fading.

"What a couple of losers" Beetlejuice said with a chuckle. He looked around to make sure no one was watching him, reached for a few bugs from his bag, and continued on. "Alright, show me Lydia."

He waited for the mirror. With mortals it always took a little longer. He set the mirror down and actually looked at the newspaper that was floating in front of him. There were some new business announcements, event announcements, notable crime from the police blotter, the obituaries….just the usual stuff. Someone had broken into the Hall of Knowledge, but the librarians had yet to figure out if anything was taken. A new dance school was opening up.

"Oh yeah" Beetlejuice said when he eyed the photo of the new instructor at a ballet barre. She had a decent rack and long shapely legs. "Might have to see if she knows how to tango."

He glanced down and saw that the mirror was showing Lydia Deetz, the goth girl that he was pretty much married to. He let the newspaper continue to float as he picked up the mirror to watch. She was older.

"Someone really grew up!" Beetlejuice said a little loud. Lydia was thin with a nice figure and large breasts. Beetlejuice glanced around before looking back at the mirror. "Yep." Beetlejuice pushed back his hair a little bit. "I'm going to have to swing by and really see what's lawfully mine."

He watched her work. She was sitting at a computer going through photo after photo. Every once in a while she would stop and look around, as if she had a feeling that she was being watched. He finally shoved the mirror back in his pocket and resumed reading the newspaper.

He was almost done with his bugs when he felt something smack him in the head. He looked around and found an envelope on the bench next to him. Air mail. He snorted and set the paper aside so he could open the letter.

 _Dear Beetlejuice,_

 _Since you're back in the Neitherworld, please come see Mrs. Fairchild at the Hall of Knowledge promptly for a job._

 _Hall of Knowledge_

 _STAFF_

"A job huh?" Beetlejuice mused. "How did they even know I was back?" He went to fold up his paper and saw a small article at the bottom of the front page announcing that he was back. "That answers that."

The wind that was blowing through the Neitherworld blew through the park, almost blowing Beetlejuice's paper and bugs away. He snatched both items and decided it might be worth his while to go see about this possible job. It had been twelve years and he hadn't made a single dime in that time. He wasn't broke, not by a long shot, but he was always after a little more money.

The dead were a strange breed. The majority worked if they wanted to, while some were forced to work for a while. Almost everywhere was open 24-hours, but it wasn't until mid-day that most of the inhabitants of the Neitherworld emerged from their dwellings. Beetlejuice liked the fact that he was usually up and out of his place before the masses. Now he was watching the first wave of ghosts move around the city as he wandered in the general direction of the Hall of Knowledge. It reminded him of 7AM in New York City in the mortal realm, but without all the niceties. He watched as an old lady with sunken features shoved a pair of green-toned girls into the side of a building.

Yep, definitely without all the niceties, Beetlejuice thought. He stopped at a bus stop and waited. According to one of his watches the bus should be showing up any moment. A woman in a summer dress and a floppy hat came over to wait for the bus. She had stab wounds on her upper body.

Beetlejuice smoothed some hair back and raised an eyebrow while he checked her out.

"Hey babe" Beetlejuice quirked a smile at her. He flashed the small news article about himself. "I'm BJ, you may have heard of me. I'm pretty well known around these parts." The woman looked at him, giving him a once over. "I'm even in the paper today."

"Have you read the article?" The woman asked in a perky voice.

Beetlejuice shrugged and scoffed with an animated, goofy expression. "Don't really need to. I'm pretty aware that I have returned to the Neitherworld. I'm pretty on top of that stuff, ya know."

The bus pulled up with the sound of hydraulic brakes. A skeleton in a suit left the bus.

"You should read the article" The dead woman said with a chuckle. She stepped onto the bus with Beetlejuice following her. He grabbed an open seat and skimmed the article. He didn't know what the woman was getting at. It was just an announcement article.

"Hey, wait a second" Beetlejuice said as he read. The article was an announcement followed by a warning about the self-proclaimed ghost with the most. It called him out for being a sleazy troublemaker and encouraged those with any problems to seek out assistance from their caseworker. "Someone wants all of my business." He looked over at the dead girl, resting an arm along the back of the empty seat next to him. "Hey babe! Care to get a drink with the Neitherworld's most sleazy troublemaker?"

The lady rolled her eyes, but smiled. Beetlejuice moved across the aisle to sit next to her. He went to open his mouth, ready to speak, when the bus made it's next stop. The bus driver called out that they had arrived at the Avenue of Halls.

"Come on!" Beetlejuice huffed. He just couldn't get a break. "Later, babes."

He stepped off the bus and it pulled away, almost eagerly. He stumbled a little, stabled himself, tugged on his shirt collar, then headed for the Hall of Knowledge.

* * *

The Hall of Knowledge, just like the other mighty Halls, looked to be of ancient design, in particular it looked inspired by ancient Greece. Beetlejuice hurried up the multitude of stone steps and entered. Unlike the warm Neitherworld air, the inside of the hall was cool like a tomb. He walked over to reception and waited for a the squat pig-faced woman to acknowledge him.

"May I help you?" She asked with a smile. As soon as she really looked at him, her smile started to fade.

"I got some air mail from someone here" Beetlejuice replied pulling out the letter. She took the letter and instantly she started to move around her station.

"Oh my! You're him" She said. She hit something on the desk and then picked up a phone. She spoke softly and ended it with a giggle. "Sir? Do you have a prefered name for us to use for you?"

"Oh, uh...Beetle or BJ works just fine" Beetlejuice muttered. It didn't matter if his name was used in the Neitherworld by a local. The well-rumored curse only took effect by an outsider like the Maitlands or by a breather. He wasn't going to kill the rumor though. He smiled at the short woman. "Unless you want me to give you a good reason to say the whole thing."

The receptionist laughed and blushed. "Two of the keepers will be up here momentarily, Beetle."

"Have you seen this article?" Beetlejuice asked plopping the paper down on the counter. She glanced at the article. "Look at that. Warning against my good skills."

"Well, you are rumored to be highly effective" The receptionist said. She read the article. "Returning after twelve years? Where did you go?"

"They had me falling through a void for a while" Beetlejuice replied as if that was the most ridiculous punishment ever. "Hey, how about after this little meeting you and me hit the town?"

"I can't just leave" The receptionist said with a big smile. Her face squished up when she smiled making her look like Miss Piggy, but with a really bad short haircut. Two keepers in dove grey robes made their way towards reception.

"Let me know if you change your mind" Beetlejuice said to the receptionist. He shoved a hand into his trouser pocket and met the two keepers. "Hey there."

The two men had the look of stiff academics. They looked at each other before they each took a turn shaking Beetlejuice's hand. The man with shoulder-length hair spoke first. "We are most please that you showed up, Beetle."

"We are in desperate need of assistance" The one with a ring of hair on his head said. They turned and hustled to a long hallway. "Please come with us. We need to speak somewhere private."

"I thought these places couldn't be spied on, or not easily anyway" Beetlejuice said. They ushered him into a study room and quickly shut the door. "Hey!"

"Mr. Beetle, please be calm" One of the keepers said. "I am keeper Aleph. This is keeper Godric. Did you hear about the break in last night?"

"Yeah, it was in the paper" Beetlejuice said. "Wait a minute! I didn't do it. I swear!"

"We don't think you did it" Godric told him. "We need you to help us find the person who did the breaking in."

"We did mention that we requested your presence for a job" Aleph reminded Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice watched both of the keepers and he moved to sit on the study table, perching one foot on a chair. He pulled a cigarette from his shirt pocket and used his finger as a lighter.

"I've never taken a job with any keepers before" Beetlejuice replied with a puff of smoke. "What are we talking about? Find the blowhard that broke in and what...bring them back here? Kill 'em?"

"Bring them back here" Aleph said. It was obvious that he didn't approve of the cigarette, but he kept his mouth shut.

"We can pay you $50,000 credits for the return of the fiend" Godric offered. "We could even help you cross ov-"

"Access" Beetlejuice said with a grim grin. "I want access to the restricted section."

"Absolutely not" Aleph said firmly.

Beetlejuice's shoulders dropped a little. "Had to try. Okay, okay, okay...how about access to one book from the restricted section?" He waited as they considered it. "For like...three hours?"

"Instead of the $50,000?" Aleph asked.

"No way. As part of" Beetlejuice said. Aleph snatched the cigarette from the fiend and put it out. "Hey!"

"Access to one book, of our choosing, from the restricted section for up to three hours, plus $30,000" Aleph offered. Godric gave a smug smile. Beetlejuice's face contorted into a twisted smile and he extended a hand to them.

"You got yourself a deal" Beetlejuice replied. Aleph reached forward and shook the poltergeists hand. "Now tell me all about this break in."


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR NOTE: Of course, reviews are wonderful. I hope you are intrigued to read more!**

* * *

 **2: Showing Up In Mirrors**

The break-in at the Hall of Knowledge had been done by someone powerful enough to slip past all of the very high security at the hall and resulted in one tome being stolen, The Cursed Eye, from the restricted section. The tome was an ancient text that could supposedly give the reader, if they studied and understood the secrets within the pages, the power of ocular manipulation and perspective alterations of those with eyes known as the "cursed eye". Beetlejuice had mulled over that power that the book might hold as the keepers had talked about it, all while keeping a hand in his pocket so he could run a finger along the edge of the mirror.

It occurred to him as he made his way home with his arms full of groceries that perhaps he should have bartered for more money, but he shrugged it off. A deal was a deal. The afternoon wind blew his hair around and he was comforted by the fact that he was expectedly uncomfortable by the warm wind. The Neitherworld was not comfortable, but it wasn't terrible either...it was just...medium. He saw the roadhouse up ahead and hurried to get home, away from the other dead people.

His condo was cool and he finally felt a sense of comfort by the time he set his groceries down. He opened one bag that had a six-pack of beer and immediately questioned the fridge. It threatened to eat everything he just got if he didn't do something about it.

With a sigh he opened the fridge. He stretched his neck, made a complicated hand motion, and the fridge was empty - not really clean, just empty. At least all the old containers and the mold was gone. He grabbed his groceries and got them set up in the fridge. He looked over at the sink and the dishes piled high. He could wash them…

A pounding on his front door broke the thought.

"What?" Beetlejuice asked when he opened his door. He was surprised to see a tall hairy cowboy and his obnoxious little dog standing there. They lived a few doors down. "Yeah?"

"You are back!" The gruff hairy cowboy practically yelled. He had never been soft spoken. He was called the Monster Across The Street, but most just referred to him as Mats.

"Hey, Mats" Beetlejuice said with a sneer. Didn't he owe this guy something?

"Welcome back, lil' buddy!" Mats gruffly exclaimed while slugging Beetlejuice in the shoulder. The little dog at his side, dyed a hideous pink, sporting a set of crazy unaligned teeth snooted around for a second before lifting a leg to pee on Beetlejuice's door frame.

"Hey! Get out of here, mutt!" Beetlejuice said waving his hand towards the dog. He was immediately blocked by Mats.

"Don't you go doin' nothin' to lil' Poopsie" Mats threatened. "I'll box yer ears, Beetle."

"Don't let your pooch pee on my door frame" Beetlejuice said getting up in Mats' face. Mats took a step back, picked up Poopsie, and grumbled as he headed for his own place. Beetlejuice shut his door, grumbling to himself. "God damn dog. Should have juiced that pink terror."

He zapped the television on and moved around a heap of newspapers. His place was covered in dust and cobwebs. He wouldn't normally mind, but it was bothering him like an itch that you just can't quite reach. He stepped back into his kitchen and opened up a butter yellow cabinet.

"That seems about right" Beetlejuice moped with a sigh. His dishes were all in the sink. All the little annoyances had built up and he screamed out his aggravation. Once his little fit had run its course, he turned on the faucet. It didn't take long, especially with the help of his powers, to get the dishes done. He just cussed and grumbled the entire time. All he wanted was to cook up a grub stake (something like a flat iron steak with grubs placed in small cuts throughout the piece of meat), eat a wilted salad, and get to work on his six-pack of beer.

With his dishes done, he fired up his stove to heat a frying pan. He hadn't had a grub stake in a while and his mouth was watering just thinking about it. While the pan was heating, he took out the wilted salad he had grabbed and doused it with sour vinaigrette. The wilted salad came with a packet of dried mealworms and a packet of seeds, so it really wasn't THAT plain. He tossed his meat into the frying pan and started eating his salad while he waited. While he chewed his first mouthful, he pulled his little mirror from his pocket, setting it up so he could see the reflection while he ate.

"Show me Lydia Deetz" Beetlejuice ordered. The mirror went black, then slowly started its fade to reveal the mortal realm. He watched as she walked down a city sidewalk. She still wore black, but it looked like she had a more simplified look. Her hair was down and straight, she had on black trousers, black boots, and Beetlejuice was sure she'd have a black shirt on under that wool coat of hers. Beetlejuice watched her carry a single grocery bag into an old building that looked like it might have once been some sort of factory. He sat in the air, floating, and watched.

Lydia Deetz lived in some sort of loft apartment. Her place appeared big, but really it was just the open floor plan. She tucked her groceries away and turned her oven on. A black cat greeted her. He was right about her wearing a black shirt. He grinned as he took another bite of his salad and flipped his steak over.

The apartment was set up for one person. That much he was certain of. Instead of a dining table, she had a studio space. She had three stools along part of her kitchen counter. He watched her pull out a prepared lasagne from the fridge, something she had obviously prepared herself, and put it in the oven.

"Bet that tastes better than anything on this side" Beetlejuice remarked. He finished his salad with two more bites, watched Lydia swap her trousers for sweatpants, and busy herself with some photographs. With a wave, the mirror cleared and he put it back into his pocket. His steak was about done and he had his own work to do.

* * *

It was a while later when Beetlejuice stood up from his couch to stretch his legs. He had gone through a number of his books to see what basic information he could find out. His set of _Charon's Encyclopedias_ , which focused on the Neitherworld, told him that the Hall of Knowledge had some of the highest security in the afterlife and was home to over five million books, tomes, scrolls, etc on all knowledge. Most of the books in the Hall were set aside in the restricted section.

"Who the hell is more powerful than me?" Beetlejuice asked himself as he strode into the kitchen for another beer. He farted and made a pleased groan. "Yeah." A beetle scurried along his kitchen sink. He slapped a hand on it and watched it squirm. "Hey, alright!"

He bit the thing in two and opened his beer bottle. As he washed down the beetle, he thought about what the encyclopedia said about the cursed eye. If the reader of the tome could understand what was being written and could master the magic, they could get the power of ocular manipulation and perspective alterations of those with eyes, in any realm; in other words, the reader could make people and animals and whatever else with eyeballs see things that weren't really there or mess with how they perceived the world around them. Beetlejuice smirked at the thought of making Poopsie think that the ground was falling out from underneath him. That could be a useful power to have.

 _The downside_ , Beetlejuice mused, _is that if a spook could use those powers, they could control almost everything and everyone...including me._

It was bothering him that there was a ghost out there in the Neitherworld who had managed to break into the Hall of Knowledge...and it wasn't him. He sipped his beer and headed for a closet. He had converted it years ago and it set it up so it would only open for him. It was a door with no knob and only about twenty heavy locks. He went in, turned on the dim bulb, and locked himself in. Beetlejuice sat down on a rickety old chair and stared back at himself in a big mirror. He had swiped it just over a hundred years ago.

He took a swig before commanding the mirror to show him Lydia Deetz. The mirror did nothing for a while, then it swirled and became foggy. Beetlejuice slouched and groaned. The bigger the mirror the more time it seemed to take, of course the more you used it the faster you could get it to work. He waited until it eventually showed him the raven-haired girl. She was sitting on her sofa with a glass of red wine. She had the television on, but occasionally glanced up at the clock.

Beetlejuice stretched his neck and shook his arms out, getting ready for something spooktacular. He gathered up his energy and focused on the television. It took a moment, but Lydia's television cut to a commercial break.

"Do you ever feel as though you have left something behind?" Beetlejuice's calm voice asked while a confused old lady glanced around the screen. "Ever have that nagging feeling that something hasn't been right for years?" A woman with light brown hair glanced around her kitchen before opening up her fridge. "Then look no further!"

Lydia sighed and got up from the sofa. Beetlejuice watched her refill her glass. When she turned around, she was greeted by the image of Beetlejuice sitting on his rickety chair with his beer in hand. She gasped and dropped her glass of wine.

"Just say it three times!" Beetlejuice said holding up three fingers on one hand. "I ain't mad or nothing! Just let your hubby out for ten minutes!"

"Hubby?" Lydia said is disbelief.

Beetlejuice gave her a crooked smile and leaned forward so one arm was resting on a knee. "I'm watching you, babe."

His image flickered from the television and her show resumed. From his closet he watched as it took her a moment to recover and clean up the glass and spilled wine. He chuckled to himself and sipped his beer. That had spooked her pretty well.

After she cleaned up the mess, she went over to the television and was speaking to it. He could hear her and it made him smile. "Where are you? What do you want this time? B? Hey, asshole, I'm not letting you out and you're not my _hubby_."

She choked that last word out.

"You don't have to be so upset" Beetlejuice said to his mirror. Lydia got up and looked around. He was talking to her through the mirror that was next to her front door.

"You!" Lydia growled.

"Whoa there, babes" Beetlejuice said holding his hands up. "Calm down. I'm just here to talk." Lydia pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "Look, now I know you probably thought that I died when that sandworm got me, but that doesn't happen to the ghost with the most. It just sent me to that hell hole of a waiting room and I just got outta there. Thought I'd drop in and see what you were up to."

"Why do you think you're my _hubby_?" Lydia asked.

He snorted and felt his face twist in an are-you-serious sort of expression. "Didn't you hear the minister?"

"You can't be serious" Lydia replied. "That was-"

"Twelve years ago" Beetlejuice said cutting her off. "Yeah, I fucking heard." He paused for a moment. "So how old does that make you now?"

"Twenty-eight" Lydia briskly stated. "What do you want?"

"Well, aside from seeing if you were interested in making a man out of me, post-nuptials and all" Beetlejuice cracked a smirk. "I'm actually...uh….yeah, I'm like in need of a photographer." He was happy with that lie. "Ya see, I picked up this job on this side - someone stole something BIG - and I get the call to deal with it. I just remember you toting around some cameras and I figured you owed me one."

"You want my help?" Lydia asked. She looked as if it was the last thing she would ever expect from him.

"I want to strike up a deal with you" Beetlejuice said. "Only this time, it's a blood deal and not something you can weasel out of or anything."

"I don't believe this" Lydia said exasperated.

"You help me on this" Beetlejuice said moving closer to his mirror. "And let me out of here; I'll give you the divorce you want. You'll never have to see me again, unless you want to."

"And if I don't?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice shrugged and moved to sit on his chair again.

"I can keep this up, babe" Beetlejuice said taking a swig of beer. "I've got all eternity." He watched her take a deep breath. "Look, you make a decision soon. I'll give you a day to think about it."

As fast as he showed up, he was gone. Lydia was left to herself, her cat, and her television.

* * *

Beetlejuice had spent part of his night going through the last few years of Neitherworld newspapers to figure out who was causing problems. There were a few possibilities like a devil named Chester who had liked to cause ruckus in the Neitherworld at random times. Beetlejuice was pretty sure that it wasn't Chester. The guy looked like a windbag and he was sure that a douchebag like Chester wasn't of the caliber to break into the Hall of Knowledge. Start a riot, yes.

He stretched in his coffin bed as he thought it all over.

* * *

The next morning, Beetlejuice headed for the Hall of Knowledge early. He sat across the street from the grandiose hall sipping some black coffee and watching. He hadn't come up with any ghost in particular with the guts to slip in and out of the hall, but he thought they may return to the scene at some point. From his vantage point on the bench that he was trying to claim all to himself, he could keep an eye on the Hall of Knowledge, the Hall of Place, and the Hall of Vessels. There were a lot of folks in robes who worked in the halls.

 _Glad I don't have to wear those ugly things_ , Beetlejuice thought to himself. He was happy with his loose grey trousers and the baggy button-down shirt he was in. He might be covered in dust, but that was just due to his clothes waiting while he had his long stint in the Waiting Room.

"This is dullsville" Beetlejuice muttered to himself. He sat there and finished his coffee before floating up towards the roof of the Hall of Knowledge.

Before he could get too close, a loud alarm sounded. Beetlejuice moved away from the roof, landing on the front steps. Hall workers emerged with rods. The ends could shock any ghost into a briefly stunned state.

"What do you think you're doing?" One of them asked.

"Whoa! Hey there!" Beetlejuice said leaning back, away from the rods. "I was hired by you whackos. I'm just checking out your security!"

"It's okay!" Aleph cried. He ran out from the hall and pushed through the men with rods. "We did, in fact, hire him to look into things only yesterday. Everything is fine!"

The rod-holding men relaxed, gave Beetlejuice dirty looks, and trudged back inside. Aleph turned to Beetlejuice. "You didn't think you could just float to the roof and get in, did you?"

"I had to check" Beetlejuice replied. "You'd be surprised at the stupidity of almost everyone." He smoothed down his dusty shirt, sending up a small cloud of dust. "You guys mind if I bring in a ghoul-fiend of mind to help out?" He threw an arm around Aleph's neck. "She's pretty smart and sometimes having a second set of eyes, another brain, can really help on these situations, know what I mean?"

Aleph made a face as he got a whiff of Beetlejuice's strong body odor. "Oh my."

"Yeah, she was a photographer or some shit in real life" Beetlejuice said not caring about the face Aleph was making.

"Yes!" Aleph shouted while pushing Beetlejuice away from him. "Oh my! I believe my nostrils are singed!" He bent over and took a few breaths of fresh Neitherworld air. "Do what you want, Mr. Beetle. You may want to consider a shower first. I doubt any ghoul, fiend or no, would want to spend any close time with you."

"What?" Beetlejuice asked incredulously. He sniffed his own armpit, made a face, and shrugged. "I'm ripe, but it isn't that bad."

Being run off by Aleph at the Hall of Knowledge didn't bother Beetlejuice any. He had been run off from many a Neitherworld business or dwelling. He spent a little time looking around the hall, finding that the general security was pretty damn tight. Before the height of the day, he found himself at a hole-in-the-wall bar called The Hangman. He knew some folks that performed there occasionally and was watching a gelatinous blob in a costume dancing around on stage. It was almost hypnotizing like watching a lava lamp.

Beetlejuice had a pint of beer and thought about the Hall of Knowledge. If he was going to break into the dump, how would he go about doing it? Get too close and you set off all the alarms, unless you go in the front door. His mind rolled it over while he drank beer after beer, watching the blobby dancer on stage.

"Hey baby!" A dead woman said to Beetlejuice. She had dark marks on her throat, but otherwise looked fairly normal...aside from deathly violet skin and teal hair. "Haven't seen you around here in a long time."

"Hey Starla" Beetlejuice eyeing her. She wore go-go boots and a 60s mod super-mini dress.

"Where have you been?" She asked taking a stool next to him at the bar.

"Oh...out and about" Beetlejuice replied. Her dress was so short that she was basically wearing a long shirt. Beetlejuice completely approved. "You still out for a good time?"

"Always" Starla said putting a hand on his shoulder. "You look like you are doing some deep thinking."

"Yeah, that's okay" Beetlejuice said pushing his beer away. "Doing something a bit more...physical...tends to help me think better."

"I know what you mean" Starla said pulling him away from the bar. Beetlejuice went willingly with a big smile across his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**3: Honey, I'm Home!**

Beetlejuice dragged himself back to the roadhouse just as the sun was setting. As soon as he had finished with Starla, his mind went right back to his case. On his way home, his mind traveled to his black-hearted breather. He had given her enough time, hadn't he? He locked his door after himself and headed for his bathroom. He needed to make a good impression with her. He couldn't do that with the subtle stink of Starla on top of his somewhat bad body odor.

With a turn of the dial and a gurgle from the pipes, his shower roared to life. He stripped down as steam filled his bathroom. Little did many know that he didn't actually mind the occasional hot shower. He stepped in and let the hot spray rid him of 12 years of dirt, dust, and whatever else had grown upon his person.

A deep groan came from the ghost with the most. The hot water felt good after 12 years. He let the shower run until the water ran clear, then stepped out to towel off. He slipped his robe on and toweled off his hair, letting it stick out in whatever direction it so chose.

He mosied over to his closet and pulled out his favorite suit. He snapped his fingers and he was instantly dressed in black and white stripes. He smoothed down the white button-down shirt and shifted his black tie ever so slightly. Black combat boots were on his feet and he was happy to have them on. Anything was better than those crappy white loafers.

He stood at a tall dresser and looked through a selection of colognes that he had. Most of them were stolen from places he had haunted. He found his favorite, a dark amber liquid in a coffin-shaped bottle, and splashed some onto his neck.

"Oh yeah" Beetlejuice said as he capped the bottle. He smelled like wet soil, something rich and musky, and just a hint of something floral. "Completely irresistible."

He strut into his kitchen, retrieving a beer from the fridge, and hurried to his special closet. He took a seat while he ordered the mirror to show him Lydia. He smiled as the fog cleared from the glass and immediately found himself watching Lydia pace while on the phone in her apartment.

"Uh-huh" Lydia grumbled. Her cheeks were red and her jaw clenched. She walked over and leaned against her kitchen counter, stayed there for a minute until her expression changed, then she went over to a wall where a calendar hung and looked at it. "You have got to be kidding me! I caught you with her! I didn't even know you knew her! It's not my fault!"

"Nice" Beetlejuice muttered to himself before taking a swig of his beer. He was pretty sure that if Lydia could have strangled the guy on the other end of the phone, she would have. He watched her roll her eyes and hang up the phone while the guy was in the middle of yelling. "Nice going, babes!"

Lydia turned around, surprised. She was so mad that her eyes had started leaking. In the mirror where she had found him before, she found Beetlejuice.

"Beetlejuice!" Lydia said. She frowned and wiped at her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I thought I'd pop in, see what your decision was" Beetlejuice replied. "Looks like you've had quite the day."

"Yeah, you could say that" Lydia replied. She put her phone down on her counter and crossed her arms. She watched the pale ghost light a cigarette. "It's not the best time."

"Is it ever?" Beetlejuice asked with a puff. He took a swig of beer and gestured. "What do you say? You come help me out, I give you a divorce, we part on good terms…"

"How long would I be gone?" Lydia asked.

"Eh, probably just a day or two" Beetlejuice replied. Lydia's mouth became tight and small as she looked down at the floor, considering it. She swiped at her eyes again. "You know...it might help to get away. I couldn't help but overhear and it sounds like you might want to take a few days, ya know?"

Lydia's face was something between a nasty glare and an acknowledging nod. "It's fine."

"Whatever you say Lyds" Beetlejuice said. He held up two fingers. "Say it two more times. Get me out of this fucking mirror."

"Beetlejuice" Lydia said. She looked at the mirror for a moment, then went into her kitchen to retrieve a glass of wine. The ghost watched as she took her time and perched on a stool with her glass. She was playing with him, taking her time. "Beetlejuice."

Beetlejuice's mouth twisted into a big smile. He showed up with a small flash of light. He turned a little to his left and directed his smile to Lydia.

"Guess we're drinking together" Beetlejuice said gesturing with his beer. In a manic moment, he was sitting next to Lydia, leaning into her personal space, almost close enough to be able to stick his tongue in her ear. "You know, I always liked you best! If you feel the need to work out anything, er...sexual, you just let me know. I'm totally willing to help you out, babe."

"Ugh" Lydia protested. She leaned away from him before standing up to face him. She waved her hand to move the lingering cigarette smell away from her. "Put the cigarette out, please. I only let you out to hear more about this thing you need help with." She caught a whiff of the cologne he was doused in. It was stronger than the smoke. "What is that?"

"Oh, my cologne?" Beetlejuice asked. He flicked his cigarette away and it disappeared before hitting the floor. He stood up and stepped a little close to Lydia. "It's something I swiped from this realm. It's called Gravedigger. Like it?"

"You smell like...like…" Lydia said leaning forward a little bit, sniffing. "A fresh grave or something."

"I know, right" Beetlejuice said with a smirk. He took a swig of his beer. It was starting to get low. "How about we get you on the other side so you can help me out? I'm going to need another beer pretty soon."

"I suppose I would need to pack a bag" Lydia mused. She had a small smirk on her face and it fell when her phone rang. She stepped around the ghost and declined the call. Beetlejuice watched her, taking the opportunity to check out her butt. She was petite, but looked like she did some kind of exercise. He followed her when she left the kitchen and headed for her room.

Lydia's apartment was mostly in grey tones, but had a few smatterings of dark color here and there. Lacy bat drapes graced her windows and a variety of photos and posters lined her walls. It was overly clean and the entire place smelled like laundry.

"Hey, what's this?" Beetlejuice asked. On the wall, just outside her bedroom door, was a large photo of a woman bound by lace. It was shot in black and white, rather erotic. The woman's face was obscured by a horrible pig mask.

"A photo from a friend of mine" Lydia said without looking. She looked in her closet and pulled out a small duffle bag. "Everyone asks me about it."

"You collect that sort of art?" Beetlejuice asked moving to lean on the doorframe of her room. Lydia glanced over at him as she shoved socks and underwear into her bag. He looked a little impressed that she would like that sort of artwork.

"That's me" Lydia told him. She grabbed a few articles of clothing and shoved them into her bag. "We all posed for each other in college."

"Yowza" Beetlejuice said taking another peek at the photo. He watched Lydia step inside her bathroom for a moment and come out with a handful of stuff. "Don't forget your camera."

"Where are you taking me exactly?" Lydia asked. Her phone went off and her eyes narrowed a little. Beetlejuice pointed a finger-gun in the direction of the kitchen and made a little "pew" sound. The phone stopped ringing.

"How do you feel about being whisked away" Beetlejuice started with a sweeping gesture of his arm. "To the dullest place between worlds? The air is stale and it's always just a tad uncomfortable."

"Sounds real magical" Lydia replied with a snicker. She reached for her wine, not believing that she was actually going to go with the crazy ghost that terrorized her family, for a very short while, years ago.

"I'm taking you to the Neitherworld" Beetlejuice told her finally stopping to stand beside her. He put his arm around her shoulders, causing her to almost spill her wine. "Yep, babes. You'll probably love it."

"You think I'll like the dullest place between worlds?" Lydia asked, taking slight offense to that. She tried moving out of his arm, but he was surprisingly strong.

"If you hate it" Beetlejuice said. "All the more reason to finish up faster. Right?" He leaned in a little as he spoke and Lydia could smell the beer on his breath. "Now look, there are rules. Not my rules." He picked up her bag with one hand, his beer simply no longer present. "We'll go over the rules and if anything happens, you just tell them that you're recently dead. Got it?"

"Recently dead" Lydia repeated.

Beetlejuice led her back to the kitchen area while he spoke. "Rule one: no one can know that you're living, so I'm gonna have to juice you to look a little more like me. Rule two: never mention this world. Only talk about the Neitherworld. Rule three: I kind of told some people, you know how these things go, that you're my ghoul-fiend, so really act it up."

"Ghoul-fiend?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice gestured and he let Lydia step away from him.

"Ghoul-fiend...wife...we're going to be ending everything after you help me out, right?" Beetlejuice said. His dark eyes suddenly looked more otherworldly than Lydia had noticed. She took a step back while clutching her wine glass. "What?" He watched her take another step backwards. "What is it?"

Lydia finished the rest of her glass of wine before answering. "I'm just processing everything."

The dead man in front of her suddenly seemed very dead. Something caught in her throat and she forced herself to take a deep breath. It was that same hesitation that a person experiences when they have to prick their own finger. Over the last 12 years, Lydia had not forgotten about Beetlejuice. You don't just forget an experience such as that, not really. Her dad and Delia had refused to talk about it and simply referred to it as "that time they had bad clams and a gas leak". Lydia's cell phone ringing brought her out of her thoughts.

She walked past Beetlejuice, not really looking at him, and answered her phone. "Hello?" She listened for a moment. "I'm going out of town for a few days...no." She set her wine glass down. "No. In fact, I think I'm just going to leave this stupid phone here. We are done. Over." There was a protest from the other end of the phone and Lydia responded by simply hanging up. She glanced at Beetlejuice. "He can sleep around, just not when he's dating me."

"Probably didn't need him anyway" Beetlejuice replied. He grinned at her. "Besides, you got me now."

Lydia turned her phone off and left it on the counter. She kept her eyes on the ghost while she retrieved a coat and her smaller camera case. "What else do I need?"

"Just a handshake after agreeing to the deal" Beetlejuice replied. He pulled a strange looking ring thing out of his pocket. Lydia was about to ask about it when Beetlejuice continued. "You agree to help me figure out the case I'm working on, say my name three times once we're done, and afterwards, I give you a divorce breaking any obligations we might have towards one another. Deal?"

He had the ring affixed to his middle finger, but it sat resting on his palm like a hideous bad joke. This one had two small spikes, one for each hand of a handshake.

"C'mon, babe" Beetlejuice said holding his hand out to her. "It only hurts for a second. It told you, we need a blood deal."

"You have to return me back here when we're done" Lydia said before gingerly reaching for his hand. That hesitant feeling rushed through her core.

"Yeah, no problem" Beetlejuice replied. Her soft pale hand brushed along his larger, rougher hand before he reacted. It reminded her of a snake striking. He suddenly grabbed her hand and pressed the spiked piece into both of their hands. Lydia cried out and looked away, forcing herself not to jerk her hand away from his. He didn't let her hand go, instead he kept their hands clasped together.

"Beet-" Lydia hissed. She lost the words when she saw him muttering something quietly. She had never been truly afraid of the ghost until this moment. When he looked up at her, he had the gaze of a predator. He stilled for a moment. He gave her hand a quick squeeze before slowly letting go and cackling.

* * *

 **NOTE: Sorry for the short chapter. Let me know what you think. Really hoping you like this so far. Not sure if I'm going to include a B/L thing down the line or just keep them as friends or what.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Sorry it took a while to get this chapter out. Hope you like it. It's not super long, but I have more coming soon. Let me know if you like it. I appreciate comments.**

 **If you check out FORUMS, you'll find one called Neitherworld. Come talk to me! Let's share some ideas! I want to get to know you guys. Get to be real pals...**

* * *

4: It's Just Mold

CRACK! Lydia wobbled after the crossing, put a hand out to the closet wall, and fell to her knees. Beetlejuice examined the mirror, finding the tiniest hairline crack along the base.

"Damn, almost broke the mirror" Beetlejuice said. He looked down at Lydia and extended a hand to help her up. "Feeling okay, babes?"

"Yeah" Lydia said. She felt like she needed to shake something away from herself, but nothing was there to shake away. She took a deep breath and gave Beetlejuice a small smile as he pulled her up. The cramped quarters of the closet seemed awfully small when she found herself almost shoulder to shoulder to the ghost. "Where are we?"

"In a closet" Beetlejuice replied softly. "Romantic, huh?" Lydia ignored him and noticed the door. She touched the knob just as Beetlejuice grabbed her arm. "Remember Lyds; you're dead, no talking about the living, and we're together." He glanced at the mirror. "Oh, and no talking about the mirror. They're not really allowed over here. Think of it as a taboo item, maybe illegal, definitely prohibited by all the laws that be."

"I got it" Lydia said. She twisted the knob and stepped into the condo. Beetlejuice followed her out and watched her look around. He had seen similar awestruck looks from people on tours of castles and going through museums. He smirked, amused, that she was taken by his place.

"Like it?" Beetlejuice asked.

Lydia pulled out her camera and took a picture before answering. "It's almost like a haunted house meets psychobilly." She snapped a few more photos. "I guess it kind of is a haunted house."

She snapped a few more photos of the living room before Beetlejuice took the camera from her. "Maybe lay off the photos of my place. It's not like this is going in _Town & Country_ or something."

He pulled his tiny compact mirror from his pants pocket and handed it to her. Lydia opened it up and simply saw herself. "What's this?"

"Just a mirror, babe" Beetlejuice replied. He tossed her camera and it simply disappeared. Her jaw dropped and she almost said something, but she felt the sudden weight in her camera bag. Lydia reached down and felt her bag, reassuring herself that her camera was indeed there. Beetlejuice stepped behind Lydia, who barely stood at his shoulder. He reached around her and lifted the mirror up so they could both see into it. Beetlejuice took a moment to light a cigarette before getting to work. "You're going to love this. Keep watching, babe."

He reached one hand up and touched her cheek. Her skin paled and her cheek took on a slightly sunken in look. Lydia watched as the hand lifted slightly and his fingers brushed her forehead and temple, then cupped over her eye. In the mirror, she noticed that Beetlejuice's amused smile. The cigarette hung between his lips and he blew two streams of smoke from his nose, then he got to work on the other half of her face.

"Like that?" Beetlejuice asked her. Lydia tilted her head to the side.

"That's amazing" Lydia replied reaching up to touch her face. She was pale and looked corpse-like. "I think it needs just a pop of color. Something to really offset the pallor. I have some lipstick in my bag-"

"I can do that for you" Beetlejuice said. "Want your hair done or anything?"

Lydia shrugged. "I don't really know what the norm is around here."

"Turn around here" Beetlejuice said. He took a drag from his cigarette and flicked it away. It disappeared before ever hitting anything. He looked at his work at making her appear dead. "Not bad. Hair can wait." He reached out with both hands and wrapped them around her neck. Lydia's eyes widened until she realized that he wasn't squeezing. "What sort of color were you thinking for your lips? Blue tinge or something?"

"Just dark red, like dark blood" Lydia said softly, not fully trusting his hands on her neck.

"Cool. I got this" Beetlejuice replied. He swiftly leaned in and planted a kiss on her. Lydia's hands flailed and pushed at him. Beetlejuice let her go with an approving grunt. Lydia looked stunning in black and the red lips. "Whew, yeah! Babes, you look good for a dead woman."

"Ugh!" Lydia grunted disgustedly. She wiped at her mouth. "If you ever do that again, I'll-I'll-"

"You'll what?" Beetlejuice asked stepping forward, navel to navel with her. "You'll kill me?"

Lydia gave him a stern look. "Maybe I'll blab."

"Yeah, right" Beetlejuice scoffed. "Then you'd be permanently here and we don't want that." He reached for her hand that held the mirror and brought it up. "Let me know if you like my work."

With that he stepped away from her and went into his kitchen for beer. Lydia didn't look into the mirror until he stepped into the kitchen. He had left purple handprints on her neck and her lips were indeed a blood red color. She raised a hand to her neck close to the bottom of her ear. There was a greenish stain on her skin.

"What's this green stuff?" Lydia asked. She looked over at Beetlejuice who was coming back with two beers.

"It's just mold" Beetlejuice replied. He came over and handed her a bottle. "You can't be with someone like me and not get a little mold on you."

"Ew" Lydia said mildly repulsed. Beetlejuice just shrugged and moved to sit on his couch. He raised his hand up and the mirror flew into his hand.

"Get your ass over here, Lyds" Beetlejuice said. He pulled a notebook out from under his sofa and tossed it onto the coffin-shaped coffee table. "I need to go over the case with you."

Lydia walked around the table and sat as far enough away from him to feel safe. She twisted the cap off her beer and listened as he gave her the low-down on the break-in. She listened intently as Beetlejuice boisterously shared details. After half an hour of his endless talking, she finally smiled and spoke. "You really seem to be liking this."

"Liking what? Talking to you?" Beetlejuice asked with a raised eyebrow. He took a swig of his beer.

"No" Lydia said with a small laugh. "This case."

"I spent the last couple of years falling through a void, so yeah...I kind of like the fact that I actually get to do something" Beetlejuice grumbled.

Lydia let out a sympathetic sigh and leaned back into the couch. "I can't even imagine that."

"You don't want to" Beetlejuice replied. "Believe me. It's a goddamn nightmare." He looked at Lydia for a moment. "I'll be right back. It's getting late and all, so if you want to change, there's a bathroom down the hall."

"Where's my bag?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and her bag appeared next to her. "Thanks."

"Sure" Beetlejuice replied. He headed for his bedroom, leaving Lydia with her bag and her beer. When he came back out, he was in his lounge pants and an open robe. He looked around, expecting to find his dark girl waiting for him. "Uh...Lyds?"

He heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door open. He watched her come out of the bathroom in a grey button-up shirt and matching shorts. Lydia made her way over to the couch and tucked her legs underneth her as she reclaimed her spot.

"What time is it?" Lydia asked.

"Late" Beetlejuice replied. He sat on the couch and turned the television on. Lydia smelled like minty toothpaste. "You want to watch something?"

"I'm getting tired" Lydia said. Beetlejuice's lip twitched a little and he sat there just long enough to make it an awkward 30 seconds. He moved quickly, pulling Lydia up to her feet as he stood up.

"I'll let you use the guest room" Beetlejuice told her. He led the way to the bedroom doors. He pushed the one across from the bathroom open. The air was filled with dust. The room had pale blue walls and a light grey carpet. It looked mostly unused. In the center of the room was a toe-pincher coffin in dust-covered glossy black. "I haven't had company in about a hundred years, so it's a little dusty in here."

"That's for sure" Lydia muttered. She stepped into the room and felt her nose twitch. Beetlejuice followed her in and went over to the coffin.

"This is pretty comfortable" Beetlejuice said opening the coffin up. The inside was free of dust and was a glossy purple satin. At the foot of the coffin bed were some folded blankets. A lamp that looked to be a giant skeleton arm holding a torch stood near the head of the coffin. Lydia's nose burned from the heavy dust and she made a noise of discomfort. "Well yeah, it's a little small. I have a double-wide if you want to sh-"

Lydia couldn't help but sneeze loudly. "No. It's the dust."

"Oh" Beetlejuice said looking around. "Bothers you? No sweat, babes." He made a gesture, as if he was wiping something away, and the heaviness of the room lightened. The room was visibly cleaner. "Better?"

"Yes, thanks" Lydia replied. Beetlejuice turned and pointed to the small dresser behind Lydia. Her things were there. Beetlejuice smoothed his hair back as best he could.

"I guess that about does it" Beetlejuice replied moving towards the door. He leaned against the door jamb and watched her unfold the blankets. "If you need me, I'm just one door down."

"I think I'll be fine" Lydia assured him. "Goodnight, B."

"Goodnight" Beetlejuice said starting to close her door. He stopped and popped his head back in. "Hey, Lyds."

"Yeah?" Lydia answered turning to look at him. She turned around just in time to see the skin on his face rip apart revealing his grim grinning skull. Things that looked like insect legs framed his gruesome face and a few beetles crawled over his skull. Lydia shrieked and stepped back.

Beetlejuice cackled. His face returned to normal and shut the door with a call of sweet dreams.

"Asshole" Lydia said once the door clicked shut. She finished setting up the coffin and crawled in. She needed some sleep. She was sure that she was in for a long day. The coffin was surprisingly comfortable. She felt secure and let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding. Her evening, in retrospect, seemed surreal to her. She had broken up with her boyfriend and had been whisked away by a ghost. _The ghost with the most_ , her brain reminded her. She looked at her hand. She couldn't really see it in the dark, but she looked anyway. That ring thing he had poked her with had left a red hole, but it had stopped hurting as soon as they crossed over to his world.

Lydia sighed and closed her eyes, trying to will herself asleep. Her mind replayed the last few hours in a loop, lingered more than she was comfortable with on the kiss he had surprised her with, and grimly left her thinking about what she had been able to catch a glimpse of with his open robe.

 _Sleep, sleep, sleep,_ Lydia chanted to herself. It came to her, but slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

**NOTE: This is probably the chapter you've been waiting for because it has some answers! I also wanted to let you know that I created a FORUM (check the upper right side of the website) if you ever want to talk about 'Beetlejuice'. I'm hoping you guys like my version of Beetlejuice. I like him being an anti-hero, a little bit of a perv, and having just enough ego that he thinks he can do just about anything...like solve this case.**

 **I'm pretty sure this story will end up with a little sex scene in it, perhaps a chapter or two down the line. Wouldn't mind some comments one way or the other.**

 **One last thing - I just signed up to be a beta reader. Just tossing that out there.**

* * *

Lydia woke up and took a deep breath. It wasn't a dream. That was the coffin lid, that was the ceiling of Beetlejuice's guest room, and that was his weird skeleton arm lamp. There wasn't a clock in the room, so Lydia decided to get up. There were a few clocks in the living room. She expected him to be up, moving around, making a mess or something, but the place was eerily quiet.

"Must be early" Lydia mumbled to herself. She stepped into the bathroom to do her business and then tiptoed to the living room. The clocks told her that it was too early to be up, despite her feeling wide awake and well rested. "Great."

She turned around to head back to the guest room and was surprised to find Beetlejuice standing in the hallway in his robe.

"B?" Lydia gasped. "Did I wake you?"

"There are only two reasons I'm ever up at this hour" Beetlejuice muttered. His face was clenched in a dark scowl. "One, I haven't been to bed yet, and two, someone wants to bang." He gestured with his finger for her to come over to him. Lydia found herself pulled his way. "What the hell are you doing up?"

"I-I...I had to pee and then I thought I'd check the time" Lydia said hurriedly. She was almost pressed up against him and he didn't look happy...not at all. "I'll just go back to bed."

He let her take a step backward, away from him, and he watched her with unblinking eyes as she hastily went for the guest room. Beetlejuice scratched at himself while muttering something about early hours and breathers. He had a few nosy nocturnal neighbors and he couldn't risk them finding out about Lydia. He could only imagine her trying to make friends and spilling the beans. He couldn't risk his powers waning, its the one thing he had.

Sleep was not fast with Lydia. She tried locking the door when she had hurried in, but found that there wasn't a lock. She left it and hurried to the coffin bed. All she could do in the dark room was listen and hope that he didn't come in. Something about the look he had given her had made her insides go cold. She wasn't easily scared, but that look...there had been something raw in that look.

Lydia heard him shuffle down the hall and finally, after what seemed to linger, his door clicked shut. She let out a breath and her inner voice hoped that he hadn't heard her exhale. This was the second time she had felt that strange fear that seemed to come from deep within her, some place she had never known about...until HIM.

 _Get a grip Lydia_ , Lydia told herself. She pulled at the blanket and brought it as high up as she could deal with. Covering her mouth and face with the blanket made her feel smothered. The cool air in the room was almost a blessing to breathe. _He's a ghost. He's the man who was beaten by a big worm. He's...he's a gross jerk! He eat freakin' beetles! How can you be scared of him? How could he look at me like that and make me feel like someone passed over my grave? Not just passed by but jumped up and down on it._

It was a long conversation. By the time she had dozed off, she felt herself being gently shaken.

"Up and at 'em, Lyds" Beetlejuice said leaning over her. She stretched and blinked her eyes open. She felt tired, like she needed another night of sleep, but when she realized who it was that was standing next to her bed she gasped. "Boo."

"Ugh" Lydia grumbled. She sat up and pushed at his chest. "Get the hell away from me, B."

"Bitchy in the morning" Beetlejuice said moving over to the door. "Get dressed so we can go."

"I'm not BIT-!" Lydia yelled at him. He stepped out and shut the door before she could finish her word. "And he's gone."

 _You're a raging psycho sometimes_ , Lydia said to herself as she climbed out of the coffin. She frowned at the door and started going through her things. She pulled on simple clothes - a pair of black trousers rolled to a peg leg and a loose black t-shirt. She slipped on her black oxfords and grabbed her toiletries. She glared at no one and nothing in particular when she crossed the hallway to the bathroom. _I can't believe I let him scare me like he did. I allowed that to happen! You're so dumb sometimes, Lydia. You can't let him scare you like that again!_

She pulled out her toothbrush and toothpaste, brushing her teeth. She still looked as dead as he had made her look the night before - as the shiny brushed metal piece reflected to her. Her attitude lifted slightly while she brushed. His hands on her hadn't been so terrible. She rolled her eyes at herself, spit, and rinsed her brush. She pushed her things around until she found her hair brush. She had been fairly lucky in the hair department. Her hair was thick and straight, unless she curled or crimped it. It usually didn't tangle too bad. Lydia always chalked it up to good genes. She stared at herself in the piece of metal that was bound to the wall. It was hard to tell, but she guessed that she probably looked okay. Her reflection in the highly polished metal was fuzzy, but she got the gist - pale skin, dark eyes, red lips, dark blurs at her throat.

"It took you long enough" Beetlejuice said when she came into the living room. She was ready with her camera bag slung over her shoulder. He was dressed in a purple short-sleeved button-up shirt with eyeballs scattered on it like twisted polka dots and baggy grey trousers. Lydia had only seen him in his striped suit and his bathrobe, so she couldn't help but gawk a little.

"You're colorful today" Lydia said. Beetlejuice had his case file open on the coffee table and the television on low. "Looking over your notes?"

"Just planning, plotting...workin' things out" Beetlejuice replied. "So...sleep well?"

 _No, asshole, I didn't_ , Lydia thought. She bit her tongue and replied with "Not really." She watched Beetlejuice close his case file, which was just a notebook with a picture or two in it, and shove it back under his couch. "What's for breakfast?"

"We'll stop and get something" Beetlejuice told her. He stood up and looked her over. "Always black with you, huh?"

"Not always" Lydia said heading for the door. "Sometimes I wear grey or purple or red...like the colors of a bruise."

"Nice. I like that" Beetlejuice said following her out the door. As soon as they were outside Beetlejuice slung an arm around Lydia's shoulders. She tried shrugging it off, but it didn't budge. "Remember, babes, ghoul-friend."

Lydia narrowed her eyes and kept quiet until they were sufficiently away from everything. They followed a strange narrow road from where he lived to a city center. Lydia tried not to look beyond the road, which defied physic and logic. Below was another part of a city. The Neitherworld was like a crazy kid's drawing or something from a surrealist painting.

"Why did you do that last night?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice unslung his arm from around her and floated in the air in front of her.

"Do what?" He asked with a grin.

"When you look at me like that" Lydia reminded him. "Was it necessary?"

"Yeah" He replied simply. "You're in the Neitherworld. I have neighbors that only come out at night." His mouth tightened for a moment and he snorted. He would have to explain things. "Look, some of these dead-heads aren't just your average ghosts, okay? Some of them will go after lesser beings, new spirits, that sort of thing. If they found out that you're you and that I'm not awake to protect you, they would gobble you up."

"You could have just said that" Lydia said.

Beetlejuice shrugged and floated next to her. "And miss out on the fun of scaring you? Nah." He leaned in close to her ear. "I like watching you squirm."

* * *

The walk into the city wasn't that long. They strode down the street, stopping at a pastry shop. To Lydia's horror the pastries were all filled or covered in items that repulsed her. Beetlejuice grabbed her hand to stop her from heading outside and ordered them two cinnamon grub claws and two coffees to-go. Lydia waited there while he collected the brown paper bag and coffees. He dug in his pocket and tossed the counterman a few coins.

"C'mon" Beetlejuice said with a smile. "You're going to like these. We'll park ourselves over at the Hall and eat there."

Lydia was relieved to only have to carry the coffee cups. They stepped onto a big bus and headed further into the city.

* * *

"I thought you were a bio-exorcist" Lydia said as they sat on the bench across from the Hall of Knowledge. She hadn't touched her pastry yet.

"Oh yeah. I am" Beetlejuice said between bites. "Leading bio-exorcist in the city. I'm just on hiatus right now."

Beetlejuice watched Lydia sniff her pastry and take a small bite. She must have liked it because she continued to eat it. His eyes rested on the handprints that he had left on her throat. A rush of pride struck him. That was his mark on her and she wore it well. He rested an elbow on top of the bench and he turned slightly towards her.

"Babe, I want to be honest with you" Beetlejuice began. "Once we solve this shit, I dunno...how about you and me...maybe hit the town? Do you like Italian? I'm a big fan myself. Dinner, dancing, humping…"

 _Humping? Who even says that anymore?_ Lydia thought to herself. Her face scrunched up a little. "I don't think so."

"I bet you change your mind" Beetlejuice said with a grin. "Yep. I'm pretty irresistible. I'm what you might call the 'best of the baddest'. I mean around here, you got your blobs, skeletons, monsters, creatures, and dead-heads like me - who still resemble their once fleshy selves. I know, out on your side you think I'm disturbed or something, but over here, I'm like hot shit. If I wanted to bang every night I could."

"TMI" Lydia groaned. She had finished her pastry as he had jabbered on. "I don't want to know how well you get on here with the ladies or blobs or whatever. I just want to get through this, forget about Karl, and go back to my life."

"Right" Beetlejuice snapped.

"What are we doing here?" Lydia asked. "I thought you had a plan or something."

"It came to me last night" Beetlejuice replied. "The one ghost who might be able to pull off the break-in. I'm wondering if he's going to show his face around here. I didn't see him the other day. Also, I thought you'd want to get a few shots of the Hall of Knowledge."

"I can do that" Lydia said retrieving her camera. She handed Beetlejuice her coffee and stood up, taking photos. After her camera clicked a dozen times, she turned to Beetlejuice and snapped a picture of him.

"Uh-uh. No pictures of the B-man" Beetlejuice said. He kept looking around at the crowd.

"So who are we waiting for, B?" Lydia asked. She sat back down and took her coffee from him, sipping it. Beetlejuice's lip snarled and his shoulders seemed to droop ever so slightly.

"A horse's ass named Scuzzo" Beetlejuice muttered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hey, I haven't written anything for a while. I got to re-reading this and thought I'd add a bit more, so I hope you like it. Let me know if you're liking the story. Also, if you want to start talking, check out the Beetlejuice forum The Neitherworld...found in the upper right hand area on fanfiction . net. Would love to start talking about film and cartoon analysis, ideas, inspiration, etc.**

 **Enough with my forking bullshirt! Let's get on with the story!**

* * *

The sky changed from the morning purple to a fiery red-orange color over the course of a few hours. Beetlejuice and Lydia hung out watching the Hall of Knowledge, sipping their coffee, and taking photos while they waited. As more people emerged, the more agitated Beetlejuice became. Scuzzo wasn't showing up which was smart on his part.

"What does this guy look like?" Lydia asked. She snapped a few more photos of the people walking up and down the street.

"Just a clown" Beetlejuice replied. He walked around the bench for the millionth time. He grabbed Lydia by the shoulder, pulling her off the bench. He stopped her protest with a stern "Let's get out of here."

"What the hell?!" Lydia cried out as he pulled her along. She wrenched her arm out of his grip, flicked a button on her camera, and snapped a photo of Beetlejuice with full flash. He stopped to clear his eyes from the flash. "Serves you right, jerk."

"Do that again and I'll smash that stupid camera" Beetlejuice grunted. Lydia stashed the camera and followed the grumpy ghost. She wanted to retort, but decided to just drop it. Beetlejuice was obviously in a foul mood. She followed him away from the avenue of halls, through the part of the city they were near. The buildings were looming and each one seemed to have an odd feeling to it. Lydia wondered if it was just the angle of the light or her eyes, but each building entrance appeared to be cast in a shadow.

Beetlejuice grumbled and turned away from the main road. Lydia glanced at the strange eateries and spooky Neitherworld boutiques as she followed him. The shops and buildings became darker and more run down as they walked. The road became strangely winding, almost like something out of a German expressionist film. Beetlejuice had slowed down so they walked side by side for a while, his mood shifting to something fairly neutral. He turned when they came to an old, faded mural for cat food, then turned into a narrow alley, going further away from the main roads.

"Where are we going?" Lydia asked after a good 20 minutes of walking. The heat had picked up and she felt highly uncomfortable. The wind that blew was warm and too light to be any sort of relief. She was hoping that they would end up inside somewhere.

"Oh...uh…" Beetlejuice said stopping near a dumpster to look back at her. He shoved his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out a little cash. He thrusted it into her hand. "Maybe you should go look around some shops back there or something, Lyds. This place I'm going to isn't really...well, let's just say you'd be better off taking a pass on this place, okay?"

"Is it super creepy or something?" Lydia asked. She glanced at the cash in her hand. It was colorful and reminded her of monopoly money, but with the feel of a dollar bill. She put her hands on her hips and looked at Beetlejuice. He looked like he was weighing the pros and cons of having her tag along.

"Yeah, or something" Beetlejuice replied. He adjusted his shirt and stretched his neck. "Look babes, it's just a sleazy place. More for my type, not yours. I mean, if they see you in there...oh man!" Lydia crossed her arms and tilted her head, hoping he continued. "You're not spooky enough."

"I thought you were my protector here" Lydia said. Beetlejuice glared at her.

"Just go look through the shops, girl" Beetlejuice growled. Perhaps his foul mood wasn't entirely gone.

Lydia nodded her head. "Okay, fine. I will go look at some of the shops back there. How long are you going to be?"

"Just going to ask a few questions, then hustle out" Beetlejuice replied. He waited for Lydia to go back the way they had come before turning and heading for the pit of doom and debauchery. The alley narrowed even more and became menacing, but it really didn't take him much time to find it. A bare neon sign that had seen better days read: Tar Pit. It was nestled behind some looming building, down a flight of concrete stairs that led to a basement entrance. Beetlejuice hurried into the club telling himself that he would only stay a few minutes, just as he had told Lydia.

The Tar Pit was a club for the worst Neitherworld inhabitants. The drinks were bad, the screens showed live streams of bio-exorcisms, there were nude dancers in cages, rooms for sex off to the side, and yes, a tar pit for those adventurous enough to frolic in the sticky black muck. Above the bar, along the wall, were "best bio-exorcisms" memorialized with photos and plaques. There were a number of them that belonged to Beetlejuice. The music hit him and a smug smile tugged at his lips.

"Hey BJ" A nude lady said. Her hair and make-up were perfect. Her tits would have been, but there was a big hole that went right through her.

"Ooh, yeah! Hey baby!" Beetlejuice said as she walked past. He smoothed back a little hair and made his way over to the bar. He found an empty stool and took a position that clearly stated he spent time there. "Yo, Tony!"

A bartender that looked almost like a devil came over. He had a cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth. "Hey there you loser. Do you have that $200 you owe me?"

"I'm working on it" Beetlejuice said. "Working a job right now. I was wondering if you had seen that asshole, Scuzzo, around."

"No" Tony said. "Scuzzo hasn't been here in a while." The bartender eyed the ghost with the most. "What do you want with him anyway?"

"Just need to ask him a few questions is all" Beetlejuice replied nonchalantly. "I'll take a beer."

Tony got him a pint of beer that had a little too much foam. Beetlejuice felt himself relax a little with the first drink from the cold mug. "What about Fuzzo?"

"What about Fuzzo?" Beetlejuice asked.

Tony pointed to the tar pit. "He's somewhere in the tar pit, or at least he was about an hour ago."

"I'm not getting in that shit" Beetlejuice said. "The first and last time I was in tar, it took months to get off."

"You complain about the tar every time you come in here" Tony muttered. Beetlejuice gulped down another mouthful of beer. Two green hands suddenly crawled over his shoulders and started undoing his shirt buttons.

"Hey!" Beetlejuice said glancing down at the hands. He looked around and found a very familiar face smiling at him. "Hey sweets! You're a little handsy tonight."

"Where have you been?" The woman with green skin and a black updo asked. She reached her arms out and her hands reattached themselves to her wrists.

"Got stuck in a void by a bunch of workin' stiffs" Beetlejuice told her. He drank the last of his beer and stood up to be closer to the woman. "You're looking pretty good tonight, Suz."

"I look good every night" The woman snapped. She gave him a big smile and placed a hand on his chest. "You busy?"

"I, uh…" Beetlejuice looked over at the tar pit, then back at Suz. "I could spare a few minutes."

"Good" The woman grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him towards a side room.

* * *

Lydia sat on a bus bench with two bags in one hand and a milkshake in the other. She had tried to take her time in the stores. She had even tried a few things on and spent extra time in the photography shop that she had found. The weird heat and warm wind were making her feel irritated. The milkshake, a flavor called "Toxic Tang", was lime green in color and had a general sour citrus flavor to it - not lime, just general citrus. It helped to quell the irritation.

Lydia sighed and wondered how long she had been left to her own wandering. She should have asked Beetlejuice for one of his watches. He did wear 4 of them. She sighed again and picked herself up. She should go look for him. He was probably getting himself into trouble with his big mouth.

Lydia finished her milkshake as she headed back to the point where Beetlejuice had left her. She tossed the cup into the last garbage can before crossing over to the spookier side street, towards the cat food mural.

Before, with Beetlejuice, she hadn't noticed much of anyone along the side street. It had almost seemed empty. Now there were spooks hanging out in doorways and near the alley entrances. If it had been a regular city, it would have been a gritty part of town. _You're not spooky enough_ , rang through Lydia's head. She snorted a breath through her nose and tried her best to not look around.

"How much you go for?" A passerby called out. Lydia rolled her eyes and gave him a "drop dead" look without stopping. She kept the same pace, not wanting anyone to know that she was bothered. A few heads turned to look at her, to see who was being cat-called. Was she bothered? She inwardly groaned when she realized that she would feel safer with Beetlejuice escorting her.

She got to the cat food mural and ducked into the alley. As the alley narrowed to barely shoulder-width, Lydia looked back to see that two dead men were following her. Lydia hurried along, glad to be on the petite side. The alley widened after about 20 feet and Lydia looked around for some sign of direction that Beetlejuice might have gone. She saw a neon sign with an arrow pointing to a set of stairs. If anything, Lydia figured she could duck into the place and wait for the two goons to pass by before finding Beetlejuice.

Lydia hurried down the stairs and into the Tar Pit.

* * *

Lydia stopped in her tracks as soon as she entered the Tar Pit. It was a chaotic bar with naked dancing girls in cages, people doing things amongst the booths, and there was a strange dancing pit with black stuff. Lydia hoped that it wasn't real tar. A few people were starting to look in her direction, so Lydia hurried over to the bar.

"What do we have here?" Tony asked. He stroked his devilish black beard for a moment. Lydia smiled at him.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine" Lydia said. "I think he may have come in here."

"Want a drink?" Tony asked.

"Sure" Lydia replied. "I'll take a beer." She waited for the red-skinned bartender to bring her a beer, then tipped him generously. "I'm looking for a guy named Beetle-"

"Shh...Just BJ around here" Tony said interrupting her. "What do you want with him? He owe you money?"

"No" Lydia said. She took a swig of her beer before talking again. "I'm his ghoulfriend. He was supposed to come find me a while ago."

"Ghoulfriend?!" Tony scoffed. "Holy shit!" Tony looked the dark-haired woman over. "How'd that knucklehead land someone like you?"

"I lost a bet" Lydia replied quickly. Tony looked at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. He moved around the bar and into the crowd. Lydia turned to watch him for a moment, then turned back around. _Am I blowing our cover?_ Lydia asked herself. "Great."

Lydia looked around, trying to look like she could fit in. The screens above the bar showed something that looked almost like clips from horror movies. There were weird plaques and awards around the bar as well. In the dim light she couldn't make out what the words said all the way, but she saw that one of the plaques had 'BJ' written on it, along with "Best Bio-Exorcist". Lydia turned to her left and looked out at the dancing area. There was a big sign that pointed to "The Tar Pit" that was in the center of the dancing area. Lydia wasn't sure if the dead people in the tar pit were dancing or having sex or what. It was obviously black, sticky, and messy. There were cleaner areas for non-tar pit dancers surrounding the tar pit.

"Hey! I thought I told you I'd come get you" Beetlejuice said from behind Lydia. Lydia turned towards him to see him buttoning up his shirt and pulling the zipper up on his pants.

"Where have you been?" Lydia asked. She knew what he had probably been up to; she could make a good guess anyway.

Beetlejuice grabbed her beer and took a swig, like he needed it. "In the back talking to a friend."

"Right" Lydia said with an eye roll. "More like knocking boots with an old friend."

"Yeah. Maybe" Beetlejuice huffed. Quickly, Beetlejuice grabbed her elbow and pulled her so they were looking at the bartenders. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Act cool, babes."

"What the hell?" Lydia hissed back at him. She watched him for cues. When he finally started looking around, she noticed that he was watching a very tall, broad shouldered, tar-covered man. "Who is that?"

"That lame ass is Fuzzo" Beetlejuice told her, still using a whisper. Fuzzo made his way outside. Once the door closed, Beetlejuice went back to speaking normally. "That's Scuzzo's brother."

"Scuzzo and Fuzzo?" Lydia said. "Are you serious?"

"I told you, they're clowns" Beetlejuice replied. He reached for her beer again and guzzled what was left. "We should tail him."

"Hey, Asshole" Tony said from behind the bar. Beetlejuice snorted and made a face, turning to look at the bartender.

"Me?" Beetlejuice asked

"Yeah" Tony replied. "Why did you go off with Suz when you have this fine lady here?" Beetlejuice cocked a glance over at Lydia. "You ain't a real couple, are you?"

"I'm going to do her next, you devil wannabe" Beetlejuice snapped. "In fact, we're going to get out of here and go fuck all night long."

"Oh my god" Lydia groaned mostly to herself. Beetlejuice was spouting off feisty retorts to the bartender. Lydia got up from her barstool with her bags and started pulling Beetlejuice towards the door. Once outside, the Neitherworld had changed. The sky had started to dim with sunset colors. Beetlejuice calmed down and pulled a cigarette from his shirt pocket. It touched his lips and the tip flared to life.

"Can we go back to your place now?" Lydia asked exasperatedly. Beetlejuice looked around, not seeing Fuzzo.

"I don't see where that fuzzbrain went" Beetlejuice griped. He moved around, almost in an exaggerated manner, looking around, looking up, looking at the pavement. Lydia watched as he followed something that she wasn't seeing. He stopped and picked something up, pocketing it. He looked at her and gestured with his head towards the alley way. "C'mon, babes. Let's get going."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This chapter is pretty short. Just wanted to let the readers know that I'm still working on the story. Reviews help. If you're a fan of Jacques LaLean, you might like this short chapter. Do you like the cartoon + film mash-up? Do you hate it? I know everyone likes the 'shipper fics and this might get there. I'm sure I'll get Ginger in the story somewhere.**

 **"You like it?" - Beetlejuice (his reply to being asked if he can be scary)**

* * *

It seemed to take forever to get back to Beetlejuice's place. Lydia felt like she was dragging by the time they got in.

"Want to order some food?" Beetlejuice asked. Obviously he wasn't as tired as Lydia. Lydia found a place to lean, almost feeling too tired to stand.

"I'm tired. What time is it?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice checked his watches and made a 'hmph' sound.

"Just about 7PM" Beetlejuice replied. "I know this great Chinese food place, if you like that sort of thing."

"I'm going to put my things down" Lydia said. "Order me something. I think I might take a quick shower. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah" Beetlejuice said picking up an old brown phone. "Take your time, Lyds." He was dialing as he spoke to her. "By the time you get out of the shower the food should be here."

Lydia disappeared down the hallway and into the spare room she was using. She dropped her two shopping bags near her bag and, more gently, set down her camera. The tiredness felt almost overwhelming, like she had been up for days. She dug around her things and found her pajamas. A hot shower would help, she was sure of it.

Lydia frowned as she waited for the shower to spew clear water and not brown water. It smelled like the brown water had been in the pipes for awhile. Lydia set her gray pajamas on the counter next to the sink and slowly got undressed, sure that the water would run clear anytime. It took a few minutes before Lydia was sure that it was safe to step into the shower. The hot shower and steam felt good, but wasn't very revitalizing. Lydia's shower wasn't very long. There wasn't any soap or shampoo or any other bathing amenities. After allowing herself to use a little more hot water and trying to force herself to relax, she turned the water off, and got out. The hot shower and her tiredness made her wish there was a hot tub to relax in. Why was she so tired?

Lydia made her way into the living room in her gray pajamas and her hair tossed up into a wet bun. She sat on the couch near Beetlejuice. The television was on and it was currently a segment of commercials playing. "What did you order?"

"Just some usual stuff" Beetlejuice replied. He eyed her pale legs and scooted a little closer to her. "So uh...good shower?"

"I feel so drained" Lydia grumbled. Beetlejuice twisted on the couch so one arm was along the top of the couch and he was turned to face Lydia.

"Yeah? Low on energy?" Beetlejuice asked. Since she didn't seem to notice, he let himself check her out. "That's weird."

"Has it been an issue with others before?" Lydia asked.

"Maybe, I mean, I don't really know" Beetlejuice told her. "Haven't had a breather on this side before to be honest." Lydia's lip twitched and she looked over at him. "I mean, hey, maybe you just need something to eat. Maybe it's like jet lag or something." He put a hand on her knee, attempting to be comforting. "We'll figure it out."

Lydia made a sound of disgust and pushed his hand off of her. She moved away from him as much as she could, but the arm of the couch was an immovable barrier. "I don't know where you've been, but you definitely need a shower."

"I took one the other day" Beetlejuice scoffed.

"You've never had anyone living over here before?" Lydia asked him sharply.

"No" Beetlejuice said with a wild expression. Lydia crossed her arms and glared at him. "What?!" Lydia just continued to glare at him. "It's not like you died coming over here or anything."

"Was that a possibility?!" Lydia asked in disbelief. Her head was spinning and she was sure that her eyes were starting to whirl around like in cartoons.

"I don't know" Beetlejuice replied. "Might have been." He stood up and groused a little, ignoring his guest's dizziness. "Geez. You'd think that me showing a little sympathy towards you, when you are feeling strangely tired, would be shown a little gratitude, but noooo-" A knock at the door stopped him. "Food's here." He went to collect the food, giving the driver a small tip, and carried the bag into the living room. Lydia was slumped over on the couch. "Lyds? Lydia?" He set the bag of food down on the coffee table and looked closer at his guest. "Crap."

He was trying hard not to beat down the door across the way, but it seemed to take forever for the door to open. He was greeted with an unhappy French skeleton. "What is it, Be-atle-joose?"

"Hey Jacques" Beetlejuice said a little too quickly. "Busy? I got a thing I need you to look at-it might be an emergency." The skeleton sighed and stepped outside. "C'mon, c'mon."

"Oui, I'm coming" Jacques replied. He followed Beetlejuice, who seemed genuinely agitated. When they walked into the living room, Jacques was surprised to see a woman there. "Who is zis?"

"Lydia" Beetlejuice replied. "Look Jacques, she was talking and then just - BAM - out like that. She's not responding."

Jacques moved over to Lydia and moved her so she was lying down on the couch. He crossed his arms and glared over at Beetlejuice. "Why is her chest moving like zat? She looks alive, Be-atle-joose."

"Yeah, well…" Beetlejuice said coming closer to Lydia. "She might just be alive." Jacques cocked his head to the side. "Just a little bit alive."

"Zat is the problem" Jacques said. He turned and leaned back over Lydia. He checked her eyes and listened to hear her breathing. Beetlejuice fidgeted as he watched. Jacques reached out towards Lydia's chest.

"Hey!" Beetlejuice snapped. He reached out to stop Jacques. "What do you think your doing, Bone Head? I'm not letting you feel her up."

Jacques slapped his hand away. "Feeling her heartbeat. It's important." Beetlejuice backed off and let Jacques put his bony hand on Lydia's chest. After a minute, Jacques pulled his hand away. "She appears to be in a deep sleep. Her breathing is steady and her heartbeat at a resting pace. How long has she been over here?"

"Around a day or so" Beetlejuice replied. "Why?"

"We don't know how the Neitherworld will affect, Lydia" Jacques told him. "What if something happens to her? What if she needs CPR or first aid? Neither one of us have the breath of life for her." Beetlejuice's face fell into a concerned frown. "What if she can't be here for very long?"

"She was complaining about feeling kind of tired and drained" Beetlejuice muttered.

Jacques poked Beetlejuice in the chest. "Get her back to the living realm! What is wrong with you?"

"Back off, Bones!" Beetlejuice huffed. He got closer to Lydia, looking her over.

"How did you even get her here?" Jacques asked. He moved out of the way when Beetlejuice moved to scoop her up.

"Ghost with the most, Jacques" Beetlejuice grumbled. Jacques crossed his bony arms and watched Beetlejuice carry the woman into the hallway. He sat on the couch, listening as locks were thrown and a door opened, then shut.

"What an idiot!" Jacques said to no one.


End file.
